I used to be the worse person in the world at saying “no”. People would come to me with jobs they needed doing or projects in which I could get involved and I would grab them like a frightened toddler clutching their mothers’ hand in a crowded railway station. In fact, you could even say I almost adopted the mantra “the answer is yes, what’s the question?” This of course, leads to burn out and doing lots of things badly. It is certainly not effective. Let’s have a look at how to effectively say no.
First you cannot effectively say no unless you have already organised yourself and your day in line with your / your organisations’ objectives. As you know I use The Ivy Lee Method – How To Have An Effective Day and also a time planner to plan the day. Once you know what you are supposed to be doing, then you can assess anything else in line with this. If your diary is just a shambles or open, you stand no chance. If you haven’t prioritised your tasks, then don’t be surprised when other people do it for you by imposing their priority.
There are two circumstances we need to consider:
If you work for yourself or it is your company, you look at the request and answer two questions. 1. Does whatever is being requested move you toward your objective? If the answer is yes, you should consider it. If the answer is no, then you should politely reject it on the basis that it is not what you / your organisation are doing at the moment. 2. Does it move you / your organisation toward your objective quicker or slower than what you had planned? If quicker then move it up the list and replace something you were going to do with the new task. If slower, then timetable it for another time.
If you can’t find time to do it before the proposed deadline, then politely refuse it on the grounds that you cannot do it properly in the time allowed and then get on with your priority work. This leaves the door open for someone to come back to you with similar work which you may be interested in at another time. If they get annoyed and go away forever, then you have dodged a bullet.
If you are an employee with a boss, then it’s not so easy but the technique is similar.
Show them your plan for the day / week and ask them what they would like you not do in order to do the latest request? In other words what do they want to move down the list? If you have a good boss and even better a leader, they will look on this as a sign of an organised and effective employee. They will respect your organisation and honesty and prioritise accordingly.
That way you have effectively said no without actually saying no. Win, win.
I have heard, and indeed worked for some bosses who say they just want you to do everything. Here you have a bigger problem. It is your responsibility to show them the light. You must become the leader here. You must show them how you have organised your day to meet the objective of the organisation and how effective that approach is. Then hopefully they will see the light. If they still insist you do everything, then you have three choices:
Try to do everything and fail. Note: this is the same as not doing anything in the first place.
Burnout. Note: this is the same as not doing anything in the first place, except here your health and relationships suffer as well.
Change job.
We know we cannot multi-task Why Multitasking Is Not Effective
The above advice might seem harsh but trust me. I have tried all three in jobs and with clients (failure, burnout and change) and it is only the last one that works.
It is our job to try to change the way things are done but some people love chaos, firefighting and see working huge hours as some form of macho existence.
If you are dealing with a caveman / cavewoman, show them the light and if you fail then get out of the cave!!
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